Dear baby girl,
It’s been three weeks since I returned to work, and we are starting to settle in to a new normal. I’ll admit, it was pretty hard to let go at first (I may have had a minor meltdown on day four), but it has been good for me to get back into a routine. I do miss you like crazy when we’re apart and spend probably more time than I should staring at pictures of you on my desk, thinking about our time together. The highlight of my day is getting to see you after work. Your face just lights up when you see me, and you give me this big grin that fills my heart with joy and lets me know that you missed me just as much as I missed you.
On my third day back to work, you turned three months old!
Being a working mom is going to have its challenges, but I’m okay with that. I have thought a lot about balance lately, and to me, it’s not about finding the perfect balance between everything in my life. Instead, it’s about prioritizing what – and who – is most important, making sure to not let my plate get too full to keep me from those priorities. At the end of the day just being your momma is all that matters. Being able to nurture, protect and love you with all of my heart.
Something I have found freedom in recently is the power of saying no without guilt. I have learned that it’s okay to not sign up for something I am not passionate about. It’s okay to be honest with others and yourself about what you can handle and what you just don’t have time for. It’s okay to say no to one thing and say yes to something else. No one can fault you for your priorities. Hold onto these truths for someday when it will be easy to want to please others and not let them down (if you get that trait, it will be from me).
The weekends are now my favorite, when we get to spend the entire day together. I cherish our time, even the simple moments, like bath time, nursing or rocking you to sleep at night. Even the hard times, like when you don’t want to go to sleep, are worth it all. Because being your momma brings me the sweetest joy in the world.
Dear baby girl,
I decided to watch you sleep this morning.
After your last feeding, I have been awake in bed for two hours and finally decided to get up. A lot has been on my mind, as today is my last day before returning to work tomorrow. I have to admit, I was looking forward to getting some extra sleep this morning before your next feeding and was getting frustrated that sleep was eluding me.
I sit here listening to your coos and sighs as I type, and I watch you lie so peacefully in your crib, and I would have missed out on this magical moment had I stayed in bed. I watch you stretch your legs, roll side to side and slowly fall back to sleep.
It’s funny how much you think about sleep as a new parent. How much you are (or aren’t) getting and how much your baby is (or isn’t) sleeping. A lot of parents complain about their lack of sleep. I see it through my Facebook feed daily. Other parents ask how much sleep you and I are getting, wondering if you are letting me sleep.
I’ll admit, I love my sleep. Before you were born, I would love to sleep in late on the weekends. I would hate it when I couldn’t sleep in or my sleep was interrupted. Transitioning to parenthood has been interesting to say the least. I am convinced that coffee had to have been invented by a mom.
But as I sit here this morning, slowly watching you wake up, I am thankful for this moment. I am thankful that I get to experience the beauty of watching you sleep. And I don’t want to sleep through the moments I’ll treasure the most. I don’t want to wish for more sleep for the sake of missing out on time with you. I don’t want to wish away time so I can spend it sleeping.
As I watch the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe in and out, my breath slowly exhales. This is what being a mom is about. Treasuring moments. Treasuring you. Because time is going to go by way too fast. And I want to be awake for it.
You’re starting to stir now; I suppose it’s time for me to get you up. I can’t wait to start the day with you.