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Transitions.

Dear Baby H,

I rocked with you in your chair for the last time tonight.

I ran my hand through your hair, and we whispered quietly together in the dark as I tried to help you wind down for sleep. At first, I didn’t want to cave to “sitting in the chair for a minute” because I don’t feel well and just wanted you to go to sleep already. But then it hit me.

Tomorrow isn’t just the first day of your new big girl bed. Tonight is the last night in your crib. The last night of rocking with you in the chair, snuggling in next to you since you don’t want to sit on my lap anymore. The two of us barely fit together in there side by side, as your baby sister is taking up a lot more residence these days and my hips are slowly getting wider.

But I’m so glad I caved to sitting with you. Even though I was exhausted, worn out and just needed to lie down. I won’t forget your sweet smile as you looked up at me. I won’t forget the kisses and hugs you gave my belly and your baby sister.

After a few minutes, you all of a sudden wanted to stop and wanted Daddy to put you in your crib. “We’ll sit in the chair later,” you said to me. I knew in my heart that later wasn’t going to happen. I let myself dwell in the few moments we shared together, and I held and squeezed you as you slowly slid out of the chair to go get Daddy.

So many memories of you being in your room. Planning the nursery. Bringing you home from the hospital and putting you in the crib for the first time (petrified and checking on you 10,000 times). Lying down on the floor next to your crib during rough nights (and seasons). Rocking with you in the chair, whether nursing, reading books, or simply winding down at the end of the day. Reading stacks of books sprawled across the floor. Playing with your baby doll and stuffed animals. Practicing your somersaults and dance moves. Seeing your face peering at me from inside the crib, so excited to see me the first thing in the morning.

There are so many moments to remember, and there will be so many more to make in your new big girl room. Even though I am nervous, I know I need to trust that we are going to get through this transition. You love being a big girl and doing things on your own, so I am hopeful that you will enjoy going into your new big girl bed.

Though it’s a big transition and an end to a room with many memories filled with you, I am excited for you to be a big girl, and a big sister.

With love,

Momma