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Balance.

Dear baby girl,

It’s been three weeks since I returned to work, and we are starting to settle in to a new normal. I’ll admit, it was pretty hard to let go at first (I may have had a minor meltdown on day four), but it has been good for me to get back into a routine. I do miss you like crazy when we’re apart and spend probably more time than I should staring at pictures of you on my desk, thinking about our time together. The highlight of my day is getting to see you after work. Your face just lights up when you see me, and you give me this big grin that fills my heart with joy and lets me know that you missed me just as much as I missed you.

3 months
On my third day back to work, you turned three months old! 

Being a working mom is going to have its challenges, but I’m okay with that. I have thought a lot about balance lately, and to me, it’s not about finding the perfect balance between everything in my life. Instead, it’s about prioritizing what – and who – is most important, making sure to not let my plate get too full to keep me from those priorities. At the end of the day just being your momma is all that matters. Being able to nurture, protect and love you with all of my heart.

Something I have found freedom in recently is the power of saying no without guilt. I have learned that it’s okay to not sign up for something I am not passionate about. It’s okay to be honest with others and yourself about what you can handle and what you just don’t have time for. It’s okay to say no to one thing and say yes to something else. No one can fault you for your priorities. Hold onto these truths for someday when it will be easy to want to please others and not let them down (if you get that trait, it will be from me).

The weekends are now my favorite, when we get to spend the entire day together. I cherish our time, even the simple moments, like bath time, nursing or rocking you to sleep at night. Even the hard times, like when you don’t want to go to sleep, are worth it all. Because being your momma brings me the sweetest joy in the world.

With love,
Momma

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Our time together

Dear baby girl,

As I listen to the blustery wind howling against the windows and through the trees tonight, I am thankful that I don’t have to go anywhere tomorrow and that I get to spend the day with you. This winter has been colder than most, and I have to admit I am pretty grateful to be able to hibernate with you. We have had lots of visitors come to us, though!

I was originally going to return to work this week, but a couple weeks ago, as I got closer to my return date, I just wasn’t ready yet. My heart longed for just a little more time with you. Time I know I will never get back. I wanted another week of day-long playing, discovering, snuggling, and yes, even doing random things around the house.

Thankfully, my job is pretty flexible, and I was still covered under FMLA to stay with you another week. I am so excited to be with you just a little bit longer! Even though we’ll be stuck indoors due to sub-zero temps the next couple days, I look forward to just a few more days of Momma/Hannah time.

My heart is both heavy and full as I look ahead, but I am (almost) ready to return to work. The first week back will be part time as I work half days, since I know it will be a hard transition for both of us. As much as I have enjoyed hibernation, I am (almost) ready to get back into the swing of things and find a new “normal” for us. It’s going to be tough for awhile as we both figure things out, but I know we’ll find our groove. We’ll find our balance between work, activities, friends and family. I have to admit, I am starting to get cabin fever and am going a little stir crazy. I am looking forward to getting out and doing more both on my own and with you.

I know that it will be overwhelming at first, and I’m sure I’ll have my moments where it is going to be harder than I ever imagined possible, but I also know that at the end of the day, you are what is most important to me. You are my number one priority. No matter how overwhelming life’s circumstances may be or how stressed I may feel, I’m your Momma who loves you more than anything in the world, and nothing will ever change that.

I am so incredibly thankful for the past 11 weeks we’ve had together. I have seen you change so much, and my love for you has grown more than I ever thought possible. We’ve had a blast snuggling, baking and cooking together, discovering toys (you figured out how to push the toys on your play gym a couple weeks ago!), and even rocking tummy time.

tummy time
Photo credit: Daddy

I am so incredibly blessed to be your Momma and to have been able to enjoy this time with you. I look forward to our last week of 24/7 Momma/Hannah time!

With love,

Momma